To Boldly Go Where I Want To Go

   In an interview in last Saturday's Irish Times, John Banville opines that budget airlines take people places they don't want to go. Perhaps the obverse of this is that if you are going somewhere you actually want to go, then you should book with one of the national carriers. 

   I have an interest in this debate because I am going to Berlin on Wednesday with Aer Lingus. Flying with our beleagured national carrier has nothing to do with the fact that I actually do want to go to Berlin. If, say, Oleariair flew from Knock to Berlin I would have no scruples, but in this instance I have to go to Dublin and, given a choice, would prefer to pay a few quid extra to fly with the remnant of courtesy and privilege that still attaches to flying with the national airline instead of being harrassed by a budget airline whose market dominance has allowed it to try any and every indignity with its er 'customers' in the cause of making money.

   

   Incidentally, John Banville has written and spoken with authority on European cities such as Prague, Vienna and Genoa. I wonder whether he was coerced into going to these places by, em, a budget airline or flew with one of the national carriers? 

   

   Finally, on the subject of airlines, I notice that Lufthansa bought the Austrian national airline a few weeks ago, following approval by the EU Commission. I hereby launch a completely unfounded rumour that British Airways is set to follow Lufthansa's example and buy Aer Lingus.  (C'mon Willie, your country needs you!) 

The Lodowick Bryskett competition

An official called Lodowick Bryskett

Thought Spenser the hottest of tickets.

Two poems L.B. wrote 

that are endlessly quot-

ed as Spenser are plagiarist-ed.

In my self-appointed capacity as a judge I announce that this limerick is my favourite of those that were entered for the competition. Thanks to all those who entered.

Nick Laird's figures

   In today's Guardian, Nick Laird shares some of his experiences of reading to select audiences on American book tours. His audience in a murder mystery bookstore in San Diego was a single Chinese girl who had gone for a walk to escape her father's telly; other attendance figures were three (Boston), two (Los Angeles) and two (San Francisco).

   I am reassured to know that my own figures for central and east Mayo compare favourably with Laird's.  My total for Ballina outdoes even his vaunted 20 for a reading in Berkeley.

   One reading I did at a venue close to Knock Airport deserves special mention, however. As soon as I arrived, a woman sitting in the front row stood up, presented me with her book of poems, and asked me about how she should promote her work. I even forked out a small sum of money to purchase her volume. Her sales total for the evening (1) thus exceeded mine by ... one. On that occasion I was both customer and supplier. 

   Think about it, all those authors out there arriving at venues to read. They might be your best chance of a sale...

Coming Soon to a Beach Near You

http://www.stuff.co.nz/life-style/fashion/2756992/Lederhosen-swimwear-a-new-fad

Football Joke

A: Were you watching the Austria-Hungary match?

B: No. Who were they playing?

Lederhosen Rally

The International Lederhosen Rally is taking place this weekend at Windischgarsten, Austria. It coincides with the 13th International Volkswagen Beetle Rally. Among the highlights of the weekend is the lederhosen competition, with winners in the following categories: men's lederhosen, women's lederhosen, children's lederhosen, largest group in lederhosen, and most travelled lederhosen. Full programme details are available on the website lederhosentreffen.at, where you will also find instructions for the maintenance and care of your lederhosen.

Dirndl Springen: Update

City Kit II: Before You Travel

Stonechat proposes another City Kit for people from cool, rainy regions of western Europe as they embark on a short break in one of the progressive cities of continental Europe.
In order to maximise your city break in Europe, you should have this conversation with your travel partner before you go, to get it out of the way:

A Imagine, you can borrow a bike for the day and return it for nothing.
B Gee, you can imagine how long that would last at home.
A Ya, they'd all be thrown into the river on the first night.
B It would break your heart, wouldn´t it?

*

A Isn`t it great all the same, being able to sit outdoors in the evening?
B God, if you tried this at home you'd freeze.
A Or it would be pissing rain.
B It's very cold here in the winter, though.

*

A I wonder if the _______ (insert national group) have much trouble with vandalism?
B You don't see many signs of it.
A I'd say they spend money cleaning things up, keep it hidden.
B I believe they have a drugs problem too.
A Ya, I suppose it isn't all as perfect as it looks.


By repeating this conversation ad nauseam before you go, you will be so bored with it that you will be ready to embrace the true experience, without inhibitions, once you arrive.

How Many Austrians Does It Take to Change a Light Bulb?

Arnie will do it when he gets back.