Dirndl Springen: Update

City Kit II: Before You Travel

Stonechat proposes another City Kit for people from cool, rainy regions of western Europe as they embark on a short break in one of the progressive cities of continental Europe.
In order to maximise your city break in Europe, you should have this conversation with your travel partner before you go, to get it out of the way:

A Imagine, you can borrow a bike for the day and return it for nothing.
B Gee, you can imagine how long that would last at home.
A Ya, they'd all be thrown into the river on the first night.
B It would break your heart, wouldn´t it?

*

A Isn`t it great all the same, being able to sit outdoors in the evening?
B God, if you tried this at home you'd freeze.
A Or it would be pissing rain.
B It's very cold here in the winter, though.

*

A I wonder if the _______ (insert national group) have much trouble with vandalism?
B You don't see many signs of it.
A I'd say they spend money cleaning things up, keep it hidden.
B I believe they have a drugs problem too.
A Ya, I suppose it isn't all as perfect as it looks.


By repeating this conversation ad nauseam before you go, you will be so bored with it that you will be ready to embrace the true experience, without inhibitions, once you arrive.

How Many Austrians Does It Take to Change a Light Bulb?

Arnie will do it when he gets back.

Dirndl Springen

The dirndl is the traditional women´s costume still widely worn at festivals and on other occasions. Now, ladies, you can sign up for Dirndlspringen, where you jump into water in your full rig-out. It´s a bit like asking Maureen O´Hara to get up on a diving board.

City-Kit

It may have been the heat of Vienna last week that occasioned this outburst from a weary Stonechat one evening: 'I'm sick of ****ing history!'
In order to help other tourists in this dilemma, I propose a City-Kit, which will be adaptable for most European cities, and runs something like this:

___________(insert name of city) was founded at a crossing point on the __________ (insert name of river). In the _______ century (insert century) the settlement was sacked by the ________ (insert name of marauding tribe). At the same time, a monastic settlement was established by saint _________ (insert name of saint), where the cathedral bearing his name stands today.
During the _______ period (insert name of period), the city became famous for trade in ___________ (select one of the following: leather/marble/nougat/saffron); the wealth this created led to the construction of a new facade on the _________ (select one of the following: cathedral/baptistery/guild-hall/abbatoir).
It was at this time that the _________ family (insert name of family) took control of the corporation. The most famous of these, Prince _____ (insert one of the following: Ludwig, John, Cosimo, Boborozovon), built a villa for his ________ (insert one of the following: wife, mistress, horse) on a hill overlooking the city. This building now houses the famous _________ collection (insert family name) of art and includes a world famous cabinet housing the prince's _________ (insert one of the following: whip, snuffbox, pistol, ivory) collection.

This should cover most European city breaks before you head off to the night club for a well-earned beer.

Lodowick Bryskett

The name of this Elizabethan official, who spent many years in Ireland, suggests treatment in a limerick:

An official called Lodowick Bryskett...

Can anyone finish this? A modest reward is offered.